On Patience and Annoyances

It’s a given that no one’s perfect. Everyone has his or her flaws and annoyances. No one can expect to be completely likable by everyone and no one can expect to be liked by everyone. Such is life, simple as that.

But everyone tries to be liked by everyone on some level or another. Everyone tries to be accepted and to win others over. There are successes and there are failures. And one can only hope that there are more successes than there are failures.


This past Saturday was the first official day of spring. Many people were out walking around, biking, picnicking, and simply enjoying the company of their friends and family. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, kids running through fountains. Many people would enjoy such days. Many people like being outdoors soaking up some much needed sunlight. And understandable, Southern California actually gets a lot of sunlight. It’s great. It’s why we all love living out here. How many other places can you enjoy sun so often during the year?

But there are indeed those who find simple pleasures not as enjoyable. Some find elaborate adventures more exciting than a day at the park. Others find time spent being productive in front of a computer or at work a more beneficial use of their time. But every once in a while, when the sun is shining, the weather’s mild, and there are people whose company you enjoy with you, a day in the sun doing is just as gratifying as finishing and handing off that final report.

So back to Saturday. We had agreed on going out on Saturday. We were going to pick up one friend from the final grasps of the winter quarter and return her home for a week without studying and exams. Perhaps the plan was too vague, which was why things went south. Or perhaps we weren’t as considerate of each other’s likes and dislikes.

But in certain cases, it’s hard to be considerate of each other’s likes and dislikes if they themselves aren’t consistent about their likes and dislikes.

Balboa Park is actually a very beautiful park. Its vast grounds include several different gardens, museums, and numerous hiking trails. Perfect for the naturalist, the history buff, and the fitness guru. Apparently, however, not perfect for the animal-loving, baby-hating, cynical, bubbly, eleven year old trapped in a twenty-seven year old body girl. Apparently, as we were to find out, there was no point in going to a park unless you had a dog to walk. Nope. No point at all. You don’t go to a park to enjoy the day. You don’t go to the park to walk around and get some fresh air. You don’t go to catch up with your friends.

Nope. You just don’t go to the park without a pet to walk.

And yes, I understand that there are people who like the indoors, and there are people that like the outdoors. But if you insist on saying that you like hanging out with your friends and that the particular place doesn’t matter, well then what’s the problem with hanging out at the park? In fact, if chatting in a parking lot outside of McDonalds is what you find entertaining, then what – please tell me – is the problem with enjoying your friends’ company outside in a park when the sun is out and the flowers are blooming? Of course, you’re allergic to pollen a day outside is definitely not enjoyable. But if that’s not the case, then I just don’t get it.

So said Eleven Year Old Girl decides that complaining all day at the park would be the best route to go. Doesn’t matter that Eleven’s friends enjoyed walking around Balboa Park, no, she didn’t and that was a problem. Not a minor problem, more of a must complain loudly and continuously type of problem. Such a problem that the solution to the problem was not a diplomatic solution, but more of a totalitarian, dictatorial type of solution. All or nothing. My way or the highway type of solution.

Five steps and another lengthy complain. “Why are we here? I don’t get why we are at a park! What are we doing here? This is so stupid.” Five steps of silence, followed by another lengthy complain. “Oh my gosh! You guys are walking so fast! What’s the hurry? Why are we here? Can we go now? Oh my gosh! This is so stupid!” Walk, walk, walk, dragging her feet, dragging her feet, dragging her feet. Complain, complain, complain.

Now, it’s times like these were I feel like a mother with the crying baby. There are two options: one, to cave and spoil the child, or two, to stand your ground and let the crying baby cry till the baby falls asleep. Today, after caving in last night to the incessant wants, I refused to back down. We were at the park and we were going to have a good day, even if I’m the only one enjoying it! And so I walked on, taking pictures and living vicariously through the other people clearly enjoying the first day spring.

However, it definitely puts a damper on your mood when you’re walking around the park with a complaining, whining, inconsistent, inconsiderate Eleven.

“Why do you guys like parks so much?” she asked for probably the tenth time that first hour.

I admit, after what felt like the tenth hour of her complaining I caved. I gave the attention to the crying baby. Eleven had me fed up. “What DON’T you like about parks? I mean you walk your dogs in parks. Why not walk them around your neighborhood or a factory for that matter? What’s the difference to you? Why even walk your dogs?”

She shrugs. “They like it. I don’t like it. I think it’s stupid.”

“Well why? Why do you think it’s stupid? You know, for someone who professes her disdain for parks, why on earth did you get married in one?”

“Oh that was different! That was a nice park! And we were there for a reason: my wedding! Right now we’re just walking around. There’s no point to this trip!”

“What are you talking about?” our other friend joined in. “Of course there’s a point! We’re enjoying the day, the sun, the company of friends!”

“Oh but you guys are fun and interesting. Parks on the other hand are boring and stupid. Why would anyone want to hang out here and just walk around?? Why don’t we just go somewhere and talk? We don’t need to walk around in a park!”

I can say for a fact that there were many easily refutable parts in her “argument”. Number 1: Parks can’t be boring and stupid because she chose a park for her wedding. Number 2: If we were fun and interesting, you wouldn’t be so engrossed in your book and you’d actually be talking and participating in the conversation. Number 3: If you hated parks so much, why are you so eager to play with the dogs and rabbits in the park and go into the museums? So tell me, are you suure you hate parks? Or is it more that you hate that you’re not getting your way?

I tried hard to be patient with Eleven. I kept my mouth shut. I kept my temper down. I even tried to reason with her. But it seemed that all was futile after a few hours.

Okay, so I might be overly toting my patience. Within the hour I was already ready to snap at her. And I did. And I seriously couldn’t take it anymore. So after snapping back at her, after blatantly telling her that there was acceptable behavior and there was unacceptable behavior, and that what she was doing was definitely unacceptable – and inconsistent to what she had claimed before – behavior, I decided it was better for me to be by myself and enjoy the day myself. To clear my head and not try to change her.

After finally going back to civil terms with a clear head, I realize that there really wasn’t much I could do outside of telling her what I thought and changing myself. A key to happiness is to accept certain things. In our Saturday outing there was Eleven, me and our Army Friend. The greatest part of Army Friend is that she tries hard to make situations genial. Perhaps on the passive-aggressive side, she still tries to keep the peace and works hard to not exacerbate the situation. In the relationship equation there is A=me, B=Eleven, C=Army Friend, and D=the relationship. A+B+C=D Simply stated. Me+Eleven+Army Friend= Relationship. The fact is, as hard as I try, I can’t change Eleven. I can’t change Army Friend. What I can change is me. And, simply stated, I can change me and I can change the outcome. Change A and C will change. As hard as I try the other variables won’t change. I can only change myself.

And so, if I want to be less annoyed, less bitter, less upset, I have to change myself. I have to change the situation. Perhaps I even have to take a variable out of the equation. Such is life. Some things just don’t go well together.