Relations

Name: Laura and Jay
Relation: High School Friends, Married
Occupation: Insurance agent, pop culture enthusiast, Hollywood know-it-all/stalker

“Oh My God! Just marry him already and get it over with! I can’t believe you two are at it again!”

In complete Laura style, smoke was fuming from her ears and fiery darts were shooting from her eyes, if it were possible. I’m not quite sure what the ratio between anger and exasperation is at the moment with her – perhaps it’s safer to say that it’s a wild mix of the two – but at the moment I feel the safest place for anyone is at least ten miles away from here. Imagine Mount Vesuvius smoking up and villagers fleeing. Except I’m here and yes it was me that set her off.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were going up there again! I had to hear about it from Fai that you went up to see him again! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Ashes spewing and red lava’s visible at the apex now. Definitely not how I wanted this conversation to go.

“I mean you guys broke up for a reason, you know. Do you even remember what the reason is? Because I do! I remember how you guys were driving each other insane and not talking to each other while you two were living with each other!”

“Yeah..” I felt silly with my sheepish response, but that was all I could muster. Perhaps if I let her go on and on eventually she will run out of steam and I’ll be able to get a word or two in. Mount Vesuvius did after all stop exploding. Given that it did leave a lot of dead people in its wake.

“This is ridiculous you know, tell her, Jay. You guys broke up so many times and okay I’ll give you the high school ones because we were in high school and – god – we were stupid, but the ones after that … How many times did you break up with him since high school, huh?”

“Well there was that time we both dated other people in college. Then when I moved out, then again in France, though that –“

“Wait what?” I’m not quite sure if she could actually yell any louder. If anyone wanted to know my life story I was sure anywhere within a quarter mile radius from us right now would have still been within crystal clear earshot.

“How the hell did you guys break up while you were in France when you guys weren’t even together? When the hell did you guys get back together? Why the hell did you guys get back together?”

I lied. She can in fact get louder. Brilliant me had just added fuel to the fire. It had just escalated from Mount Vesuvius to the apocalypse. There’s no escape. I’m done for it.

In the middle of all her yelling from which my ears have already begun ringing, I try to formulate an argument defending myself.

We had broken up, but then we started talking again and then we started flirting again and one thing led to another and before we knew it we were having “the talk” again. Not the “dun-dun-dun we need to talk” talk, but the “well what do you think” talk. The “you’re leaving to france and I’m staying here, we just started getting good again, we’re not good at distance what are we going to do, where do we go from here” talk. And that’s not the type of talk you want to have before leaving for another country an ocean and a continent away.

“Gah! Just marry him already! You know what your problem is? You’re really bad in relationships. And I don’t mean you’re bad with relationships, just bad in relationships.”

What?

What does that mean? I’m bad at relationships but I’m not at the same time? How does that work? I’m flabbergasted and Laura’s livid. And Jay? Poor calm Jay who hasn’t said a word since we met up for lunch? Well he’s given up on holding Laura back. In fact, as I glance over at him I wonder just how much of him is actually present in this situation. I look over at him with a “Help me! Your wife’s gone crazy” look, but he’s not even looking at us. Instead he’s playing with his BlackBerry either surfing the web or chatting with a friend. No rescue or sympathy from him. He’s only physically here.

“I mean I’m sure you’re a good girlfriend but it’s like when you’re in a relationship you use it as a way out! Whenever things go bad or you get into a fight you don’t want to fix you just break up. You never fix it! Or work at it! You know relationships require work right?”

“Now wait a minute!” I finally interject. Up till now her argument had been pretty legit. Sure we broke up way too often and sure we got back together more often than anyone else we knew, but that didn’t mean we didn’t try to work things out. “We fought! A lot too! It wasn’t like every time I was unhappy I just broke up with him”

“Yeah, but you guys have gotten back together so many times that clearly you guys still want to be with each other.” So Jay had been listening all along. “I mean think about it, how long was the longest time you two spent after a break up without talking to each other?”

“Well there was that time in college when we both started seeing other people.” Thinking back even after breakups he and I would always start talking again. The awkward hi’s and obligatory how-are-you’s would always return to its daily rate and lengthiness. Truth be told, we had a hard time just being acquaintances. After all that history between us being less than friends just didn’t seem right. Which is why we always tried to become friends. Which is why it always turned back into flirting. Which is why we always got back together. Because that’s the story of him and me.